I`M FOREVER YOURS , FAITHFULLY
MOVE SO PRETTY, YOU'RE ALL I SEE
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hey there :) the name is samantha, but you can call me sammi. my birthday is march 9 and i'm fifteen years young and a sophomore in high school. i'm from pittsburgh, pennsylvania and i absolutely love it here. we're the city of champions, and i love the steelers, but the pittsburgh penguins are my team. hockey is my favorite sport of all time and i couldn't live without it. taylor swift and apolo ohno (<3 lol) are my idols. simple plan is my favorite band, but i love music. i find quotes the easiest way to express what i'm feeling, and i'm not sure i could ever quit this site. it doesn't matter to me how many people read my updates, as long as i make one person feel good with my quotes, then i'm happy. i love this site, and i love you :)
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|i really doubt anyone who used to follow me and knows about the bullshit i went through is even still on here, but i just really want to talk about this, i guess.|
i finally went to a doctor for my depression and anxiety in january and they put me on medication. it's april now obviously and i can't begin to tell you how much better i am. they tell me it's not as simple as the medicine making me feel better, that it's more about me wanting to get better. last time i was regularly posting on here, i was 15 and a complete wreck emotionally. i'm going back and reading through my quotes and just things i used to talk about as an 18 year old on her way to college in september with a very different outlook on everything.
i don't want to pretend that i don't still have bad days every so often because i do. sometimes i need to lay in the dark and just cry everything out and sometimes i don't know why i'm crying. however, they're a lot less frequent. i won't say i'm "happy" always because i'm not. but i do get happy now and i'm almost never as low as i used to always be.
the point of all of this was that i know there were a lot of people going through what i was when i used to be on here and i wanted to stop by and say that everything will get better and what you're going through will pass. maybe this is premature, but i have a really positive outlook for my future. i love you all :)
oh yeah, i shoot me a message on tumblr! i check that a lot more than this! :) http://bigbuttbennetts.tumblr.com/ (don't ask about the url lmfao it makes no sense)
01. Right now at this very minute, someone is very proud of you. Someone is thinking of you. Someone cares about you. Someone misses you. Someone wants to talk to you. Someone wants to be with you. Someone hopes you aren’t in trouble. Someone wants to hold your hand. Someone wants you to be happy just for you. Someone thinks you are a gift. Someone wants to hug you. Someone loves you. Someone admires your strength. Someone is thinking of you and smiling. Someone wants to be on your shoulder to cry on. Someone thinks the world of you. Someone wants to protect you. Someone would do anything for you. Someone wants to be forgiven. Someone is grateful for your forgiveness. Someone wants to laugh with you about old times. Someone remembers you and wishes you were there. Someone needs to know that your love is unconditional. Someone wants to tell you how much they care. Someone wants to share their dreams with you. Someone wants to hold you in their arms. Someone wants YOU to hold them in your arms. Someone treasures your spirit. Someone wishes she/he could STOP time because of you. Someone loves you for who you are. Someone wants to be with you. Someone hears a song that reminds her/him of you. Someone is glad that you’re her/his only true love. Someone wants to be your friend. Someone stayed up all night thinking about you. Someone is alive because of you. Someone believes that you are their soul mate. Someone wants to be near you. Someone misses your guidance and advice. Someone values your guidance and advice. Someone has faith in you. Someone trusts you. Someone needs you to send them this letter. Someone needs your support. Someone needs you to have faith in them. Someone needs you to let them be your friend. Someone will cry when they read this. Cause that’s what life’s all about. Its about the times where you lay in the grass next to someone you love. Its about the color of the sky, its about a roaring fire on a winter night. Everybody hurts, everyone bleeds, everyone laughs and smiles and loves. And that’s all that is. There’s no meaning of life, its nothing that can be defined, it’s a matter of writing your own definition.
( absolutely worth the read )
02. And it was then that I realized that this was the last time we would see each other. It was the last time we’d get to hold hands, the last time I would get to tell you it will be alright. It was then I realized the meaning of
perfect. It was a day like this, in a place right here, with our pinkies locked without a care in the world.
03. What we can't have is what we replay in our heads over and over again before we sleep.
( Taylor Swift )
04. The world really is bizarre. The
innocent people? They're not really that innocent. The guilty people, the offenders? They have stories that go deep into their souls. The bitches? Sometimes they're not bitches, just be bitches in order to keep their wall up nice and solid. The people that you think that care more than anything? Sometimes they really don't care at all. And the people that you think have no idea? They care the most. They understand. Because they've been there. Some may say people are just people, but people have lives, families, hopes, dreams, visions. Some people have holes in their heart, and you would never know it just by looking at them.
05. I don’t care about sex or drugs. I don’t care about partying and being out all night drinking. I’m not worried about my
reputation, or how cool people think I am, I just like pancakes, and I can’t see how anything else is more important.
06. You know that feeling? When you're just waiting. Waiting to get home, into your room, close the door, fall into bed, and just let everything out that you kept in all day. That feeling of both relief and desperation. Nothing is wrong. But nothing is right either. And you're tired. Tired of everything, tired of
nothing. And you just want someone to be there and tell you it's okay. But no one's going to be there. And you know you have to be strong for yourself, because because no one can fix you. But you're tired of waiting. Tired of having to be the one to fix yourself and everyone else. Tired of being strong. And for once, you just want it to be easy. To be simple. To be helped. To be saved. But you know you won't be. But you're still hoping. And you're still wishing. And you're still staying strong and fighting, with tears in your eyes. You're fighting.
( me. )
07. Once upon a time, there were four girls. One pretty, one clever, one charming, and one mysterious. But they were all damaged, you see. Something not right about the lot of them. Bad blood, big dreams. They were dreamers, these girls.
08. Every time I turned around, another person I'd
known forever felt like a stranger to me. Even
I felt like a stranger to me.
09. It sucks to see people flirt with the person you’re in
love with. It sucks even more to see them flirt back. It makes you question how they feel about you. It makes you question if everything was and still is a lie. It makes your heart ache inside. It makes your whole body feel pain.
10. The happiest feeling ever is knowing that he could be with any other girl in the world, but he chooses to be with you.
Sorry it's been so long since I updated. I figured I started getting anons on Tumblr about updating so I probably should. Not in the best mood right now, but I hope you enjoy
Stay the Same; Joey McIntyre(
i seriously recommend this song. so inspiring )
01. she's never been one to wait around. she's always moving and dancing and running. but for some reason, with him, she's patient. she'll wait. she'll wait for nobody, and nothing else, except him.
02. I've been running around for the past year trying to find some clarity. And all of a sudden, it's so clear. I just want to be with you.
03. There's another thing to learn about tears: They can't make somebody who doesn't love you anymore love you
04. We all have that boy. That boy who you're
completely over, but you still think about before you sleep. That boy who you avoid talking to, but still wish he would IM you just once. That boy who you have to make yourself not think about, but always wonder if he is thinking about you.
05. “Fearless” is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. To me, fearless is having fears. Fearless is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. Fearless is falling madly in love again, even though you’ve been hurt before. Fearless is walking into your freshman year of high school at fifteen. Fearless is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again… even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. It’s fearless to have faith that someday, things will change. Fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. I think it’s fearless to fall for your best friend, even though he’s in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, I think it’s fearless to stop believing them. It’s fearless to say “you’re NOT sorry”, and walk away. I think loving someone despite what people think is fearless. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is fearless. Letting go is fearless. Then moving on and being alright… that’s fearless too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and Prince Charmings and happily ever after. That’s why I write these songs. Because I think love is fearless.
( Taylor Swift )
( this quote gets me every single time. )
06. We’re not in love, but we love each other. It’s always you and me against the world. We care about each other so much and you’re always looking out for me. You’re the only boy I can be myself around. You know my biggest secrets, my dreams, and my fears, Every time you leave my house, my mom always says “You two are going to get
married. Just watch.” Truth is, I’m starting to believe it. I want to fall in love with you.
07. Because you kink your eyebrow when your trying to be cute. And you quote Keimoo, even though I've never actually seen you read. And because, you
miss your parents, but you'll never ever admit that. And because I've given exactly two of these embarrassing speeches in my entire life and they've both been with you. I mean, that's gotta mean something right? And because we're both gonna get pneumonia, but if you need to hear why I love you, I can go on all night.
( One Tree Hill )
08. It’s funny, when I think about this exact time last year… Things were so different. I never would have thought that things could change so much in only a year. I wonder what next June will be like.
09. And like I really deserve a chance to sit across a table and tell you that I think you're wonderful, and I think you're something special. I guess this is my only chance to say I wish I knew you because I'm sure you're wonderful if I'd get to know you.
10. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now. I know other people have it a lot worse. I do know that, but it’s crashing in anyway, and I just
can’t stop thinking that the little kid eating French fries with his mom in the shopping mall is going to grow up and hit my sister. I’d do anything not to think that. I know I’m thinking too fast again, and it’s all in my head like the trance, but it’s there, and it won’t go away. I just keep seeing him, and he keeps hitting my sister, and he won’t stop, and I want him to stop because he doesn’t mean it, but he just doesn’t listen, and I don’t know what to do.
( The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky )
( favorite book of all time. )
Oh my God, you guys. The support I've gotten on here since I came back is absolutely amazing
:'D I totally appreciate it!
I'll Be Loving You (Forever); New Kids on the Block(
sorry I'm going all old school lmao )
01. I’ve made mistakes
in my life. I’ve let people take advantage of me, I’ve accepted way less than i deserve, but I’ve learned from the bad
choices and even though there are some things i can never get back and people who will never be sorry. I’ll know better
next time and i won’t settle for anything
than i deserve.
02. I haven't had
to teach me how to be okay. Everyone around me seems to be broken in some way or another, so I just don't
ask them what to do. I can't ask myself how to get over this, because the last time I tried, I hurt
someone. And I can't stand hurting people because I know what it feels like, and it hurts
. More than anything. (
03. I don't want to see a lot of people, I don't think
they want to see a lot of me. (
Now and Then )
love this movie )
04. I know that I’ll get over him faster
if I stop talking to him, trust me, I know encouraging his senseless flirting is getting me nowhere
. But dammit, this kid gives me ridiculous butterflies. In complete honesty, I don't want to get over him. At all
. I only say that because i'm 99% sure that we're
going to happen. So, I guess it's that 1% that keeps me from removing him from my life. Until he ceases to give me butterflies
, or somebody else comes along that does, I am going to talk
05. It is never
too late to realize what is important in your life and fight
06. Fuck you. It meant
and you know it. You never
gave a damn about me. It was all pretend. It was all lies
07. There's a thousand
ways for things to fall apart, but it's no one's fault. No, it's not my fault. Maybe all the plans we made might not work out, but I have no doubt
even though it's hard to see. I've got faith
in us, and I believe in you and me.
08. At least I expected
the disappointment, right? I mean, I can't say I was surprised you hurt me once again. But I can't say it hurt any
09. The most heartbreaking
part of a breakup is that moment when you realize that all the dreams you had, all those visions you had being with this person disappears
. Everything after that moment is moving on
Taylor Swift ) <3
10. Those minutes where I am alone
, just me and my pillow. I think, a lot. I think about everything, anything. It varies from "what am I doing
with my life?" to "did I have homework?" The room is so
, but my mind is so loud. It drives me crazy because the things I would never think about, I think about. Sometimes, I hate
it because it brings up thing I would rather never think about again. The split
second before sleep is the most active second of my life. graphic credit
I'm so sorry it took so long for this update! I've been preoccupied lately. So the concert was absolutely amazing
. For sure, the best night of my life. I recommend it to anyone who likes NKOTB or BSB. I personally love them both :)
Don't Turn Out the Lights; New Kids on the Block and Backstreet Boys (NKOTBSB)
01. Despite all, I couldn't
hate him. And in a bizarre, surprising way, all I wanted to do was see him. Or at very least, set about changing his opinion of me
yeah, that would be me )
02. It kills
me that I see you every day and I know things can never be the same. I hate not talking to you, but I know it's the only way to get
you. You hurt me more than I deserve, and I need to learn how to be more independent. But I just.. I miss
you. Not because I can't have you, because I could
. Not because you're far away, because you're not. Not because you hate me, because you don't. I miss the way things used
to be; the way you used to be. I miss us. Our stupid jokes, our
moments…They were what I lived for, and now that they're gone and probably will never come back…I'm just lost
03. The ones depressed
don't dress in black. The ones who believe they're fat don't announce it. The ones scared don't scream. The ones struggling
don't show their scars. The ones hurting the most are the ones hidden
04. this is the beginning of a new
day. you have been given this day to use it as you will. you can waste it or use it for good. what you do today is important
because you're exchanging a day of your life for it. when tomorrow comes, this day will be
forever. in its place is something that you have left behind
. let it be something good.
05. It's like every time
something actually goes right in my life, someone somewhere says, "Oh, she looks happy. Lets fuck up her life a
06. And I thought I could
this. And I thought that I could grow emotionless. I thought I could learn to be like you, heartless. But, I was wrong
. I've grown attached with every smile and every touch. Every word that comes from your lips is drawn
in like a mental note in my head.
07. How long can you go pretending
were fine without him? How many lies can you tell your best friend? How many smiles you can fake when your trying
so hard not cry? How many texts have you wanted
to send, just to say that one last I love you? When does it come the point when you just can’t take it
08. He may not be your boyfriend, your high school sweetheart
, or your soul mate. But all that matters is your together now. Who knows what the
holds. Who cares what the past brought. Now is now, and you have to love
when you can.
09. Sometimes you just can't tell
someone how you feel. Not just because you don't trust them, & not because you think they will call you a freak. But because you can never
really find the right words to make them
. & it makes you frustrated. People take things 100 different ways, & that's why it's so hard
. But if what you're trying to say is meant to be said, it will find a way to be understood
10. I’ve learned to keep my composure
, to play it cool when really it’s killing me inside. I’ve learned to let it go, to let you go. Yet I still care and it, honestly
, it sucks. I want to be out there, gone and away from you. I want to forget
about you. I want to move on, but I can’t, and I don’t know
. graphic credit
Oh my God, I'm going to the New Kids on the Block/Backstreet Boys
concert on the 15th and I'm ridiculously excited. I'm kinda madly in love with Jordan Knight haha :)